Friend In Corporate Job Gifts

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Sleeping at the computer.

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Please excuse me for disturbing you, sir. I just want to ask what's my opinion today.'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

"I've been lost in here for thirty years, it's your turn."

Race for Results

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Boss's Desk Says No!

That shows business confidence.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

InOutYada Yada.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."