Corporate Friend Pillows

Board Meeting

'While I can certainly understand your predicament Miss Goodbody, I can't see the Inspector allowing Tax Relief on wear and tear on your shoe leather, caused by running around your desk at work when you are being chased by your employer!'

Boss's Desk Says No!

The MBA Draft

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

Business Partners' vows

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

Race for Results

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'It's not just a job. It's about being part of something bigger than yourself.'