Business Acquaintance Gifts

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

The Rubber Ball Company

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Networking

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

Office temperature.

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

Lemonade Stand With Free Wi-Fi

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

"I love fast break business success."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Since we downsized the board of directors profits are up 300 percent.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Businessman has Sterling Sign Shaved in Head.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'