New Acquaintance Gifts

'Stop worrying, he said he's bring his new friend he's met recently.'

Let's be friends!

Simon hadn't been getting out engouh lately.

An action figure, from the gentleman.

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

Cat and mouse

Emotional Bling

Time for tea and friendship.

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'Want to swap imaginary playmates?'

'Toast'

Girl to girl: 'A friend is someone you don't have to call dibs with.'

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'Sharing is saying you're my friend, without having to say 'you're my friend'.'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"Nature can be cruel, but occasionally there are instances of great compassion."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

'What can it be? Golly, I'm on pins and needles.'

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"I never discourage a little ass kissing Henderson, but this is neither the time nor the place."

"My ringtone sounds like snoring, so it blends in with everything else during these boring meetings."

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

Town Hall Meeting.