Long-time Friend Gifts

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?" "Drunk."

"Ralph and Ted go back a long way"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"Why bother?"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Holding hands

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Priest

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Heavy meals on wheels

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Red Letter Days - Encounter with the old village sweetheart - 'bless my soul! ... Miss Victoire! ...'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

If you want to see love be love.

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"The doctor would like you to pee into this chalice."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."