Long-time Partner Gifts

Next years calendar.

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"We never close, do we, Howard?"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Dear, what are your thoughts on gay marriage?" "All for it. They should suffer like the rest of us."

husband bites wife's arm in bed and dentures come out

'Lovers'Lane has changed a bit since our day,eh,luv!'

"Are you getting a shooting pain like someone is stabbing a voodoo doll of you?"

"Let's face it, Babe. . . you aren't the men you used to be."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"