Long-time Spouse Gifts

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

Reading the sports pages.

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"Synchronized sitting"

"Have you noticed how blatant sex is everywhere in the culture but here?"

"What did we throw at our problems before we had Money?"