Long-time Spouse Gifts

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

'He's a lot older than she is.'

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"Synchronized sitting"

"Have you noticed how blatant sex is everywhere in the culture but here?"

"What did we throw at our problems before we had Money?"