Long-suffering Spouse Gifts

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Behind Every Stupid Man

Cog-In-The-Wheel

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'His wife is very supportive.'

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Is there a lemon law for husbands?'

Next years calendar.

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

I'm finishing my memoirs. There's a chapter about us. What us? There was never any us. It's just a memoir. I have some artistic license. Do you want to be my wife or just my doting longtime girlfriend? Some people can't stand seeing their lives in print.

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

He loved a sea very much

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

'Those are the family I'd have if I believed in a Work/Life balance.'

husband bites wife's arm in bed and dentures come out

"Dear, what are your thoughts on gay marriage?" "All for it. They should suffer like the rest of us."

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

'My wife is out of town. That's the diet cam.'

"Let's face it, Babe. . . you aren't the men you used to be."

"Oh, good - you're awake."

"I'm feeling a little ephemeral today."

"I'm going out to shovel snow. Here's five dollars if you talk me out of it."

'I wish you wouldn't bite your nails.'

"We never close, do we, Howard?"