Stressed Spouse Gifts

'What gives you the idea that I'm fooling around with my secretary?.. She's almost as old as you are!'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Come dine with me!

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

LAY ZEE FUK

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Do you think we can cuddle?'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."