Stressed Parent Gifts

Mother drinking Gin before going into kid's party.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'We need a dog!'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

State Prison Child Care

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

A bit of Tennyson for you Dad: 'In spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.'

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

I'm late. Nothing you can say will convince me to drive you to school. O.K. Slam!

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”