Stressed Parent Pillows

Mother drinking Gin before going into kid's party.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

'We need a dog!'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

State Prison Child Care

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”