Parents Who Worry Pillows

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

Uncertain Future

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

I have two teenagers that text!

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'