Worried Parent Pillows

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

I have two teenagers that text!

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Trust

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"And this will protect him from distemper."

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

Push me! Mom! Well? I'm waiting! The Little Engine Whose Parents Did Everything For Him.

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The pessimist and the paranoid

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

Meredith Smits. Devoted wife, mother and worry wart. Did I leave the iron on?...

Despite some overgrown lawns, the neighborhood is terrific. For sale. The seller's yard is meticulously tended. Imagine letting him play here everyday! Just treated with pesticide.

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Of course I have eyes on the back of my head, I'm your mother."