Parental Worrier Pillows

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'Girls her age don't act like they're listening, but. . . they are. . . She knows what you expect of her, and she'll live up to that, more or less. . . C'mon. How much trouble can she get into?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The pessimist and the paranoid

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

I have two teenagers that text!

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

Uncertain Future

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."