Parental Worrier Gifts

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'Girls her age don't act like they're listening, but. . . they are. . . She knows what you expect of her, and she'll live up to that, more or less. . . C'mon. How much trouble can she get into?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

Push me! Mom! Well? I'm waiting! The Little Engine Whose Parents Did Everything For Him.

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The pessimist and the paranoid

I have two teenagers that text!

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

The Anxious School Drop Off

Meredith Smits. Devoted wife, mother and worry wart. Did I leave the iron on?...

Uncertain Future

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

What's the latest on the school cyber-spying on students? Did the webcams show kids doing, um, bad stuff? What do you think? Slam! Maybe we could use a webcam! Personally? I'd rather not know what our kids are doing!