Concerned Parent Gifts

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"His grades are falling. Must be hanging out with the wrong crowd."

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

Uncertain Future

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

Worried mum

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

Violence in Childhood

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

School reopening

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

Father nursing his sick child

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

Sweet Jailbreak

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

I came for my daughter. She was hurt in gym? Your husband took her to the hospital. West Fester High School. Is my daughter, Twig Tree, here? Emergency. Your husband took her home. Isn't there anything I can do? Of course there is! Your insurance card, please. I am a good mother!

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

"Of course I have eyes on the back of my head, I'm your mother."