Concerned Dad Gifts

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

"It's a dependent!"

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

Push, push, push...

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

The (literal) birth of Venus.

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

She Had Enough To Drink.

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

Maternity doctor with a plunger

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'