Concerned Dad Pillows

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

"It's a dependent!"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

The (literal) birth of Venus.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

She Had Enough To Drink.

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

Maternity doctor with a plunger

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"