Parental Woes Gifts

'That's right, Arthur, I've been grounded.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'That's enough Rusty.'

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'Sleeping like a baby'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"I couldn't find a sitter."

Parenting Wonks

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."