Parenting Dilemmas Gifts

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'That's enough Rusty.'

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'Sleeping like a baby'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"I couldn't find a sitter."

Parenting Wonks

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

A couple leaves their child at a "Child Check" counter before entering a fancy restaurant.