Parenting Dilemmas Mugs

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'That's enough Rusty.'

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

'Sleeping like a baby'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

Parenting Wonks

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"I couldn't find a sitter."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."