Parenting Puzzler Gifts

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"I couldn't find a sitter."

'My parents try so hard to do the right things for me, but, unfortunately, they're always wrong.'

'You'll have to excuse Graham, he sees his son as a role model.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

What can I play?

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

The relay race

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

Bedtime Story

'That's enough Rusty.'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

'He was raised by sparrows!'

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'

Ingredients: me

Man emerges from baby changing room, having changed his baby for a crate of beer.