Parental Perplexer Gifts

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Where's your nose?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

The relay race

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'My kids don't understand me.'

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."

'That's enough Rusty.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'