Quirky Parent Gifts

Newton's Cradle

'You're the mother and those are your children? -- I'd like to see a DNA test.'

Dada Supremo in park with great dads.

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"Where's your nose?"

'I'm cutting out the middleman.'

On Display At The Children's House Of Horrors

Boho Bribes

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'In the top drawer of my desk there's a Taser. If I ever begin acting like your best friend instead of your parent, you have my permission to use it on me.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

Sorry son, The laboratory said they were legally bound to give you that birthmark

Excited about getting Gina to the hospital on the 'big day', Doug converts their car into the Stork-mobile.

'And there's where dear old Mom and Dad would measure my hump!'

'Gottleib, Gotlieb, look what I invented!'

Baby and banana

"Honey, put that dirty thing down and go play with that dead bird instead."

Tooth Pulling Cork

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'Be wormier!'

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

Guessing games!

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

Tree's Tree Nursery. Don't forget to tell customers about our upside-down tomatoes. What? People love the suspended buckets. It's then latest thing. That's torture, dad! Would you have grown me hanging from the ceiling if it were the "latest thing"? Ok. Don't answer that.

It's just until he learns to stop biting his nails.

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: The Talk. Specifically, how to have "the talk" with your younguns before they hear about it on the streets or from their president. The best thing to do is to use the tried and true Cohen method: Teach your child that within the pants of every member of the opposite sex lurks a monster that'll drain them of ambition, turn them into mindless automatons, and cause them to make fools of themselves. I'm talking, of course, about iPho

Co-habitat

"I'll explain later."