Quirky Parent Pillows

Newton's Cradle

'You're the mother and those are your children? -- I'd like to see a DNA test.'

Dada Supremo in park with great dads.

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"Where's your nose?"

'I'm cutting out the middleman.'

On Display At The Children's House Of Horrors

Boho Bribes

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'In the top drawer of my desk there's a Taser. If I ever begin acting like your best friend instead of your parent, you have my permission to use it on me.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

Sorry son, The laboratory said they were legally bound to give you that birthmark

'And there's where dear old Mom and Dad would measure my hump!'

'Gottleib, Gotlieb, look what I invented!'

Baby and banana

"Honey, put that dirty thing down and go play with that dead bird instead."

Tooth Pulling Cork

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'Be wormier!'

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

Guessing games!

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

Co-habitat

"I'll explain later."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"