Quirky Parenting Pillows

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

"Where's your nose?"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Children should be seen and not a herd.

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

"He's a fussy eater."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'Monster mobiles.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'