Quirky Parenting Gifts

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Where's your nose?"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"He's a fussy eater."

'Monster mobiles.'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'