Quirky Kids Gifts

'Have you got something that smells like a skateboard?'

'You're old enough to know now, Son — your mother and I are weirdos.'

"He's a fussy eater."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Where's your nose?"

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

Real Estate Personals

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

Taking goldfish for a walk.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

Cats and Dogs.

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

Bald man with a brush on his head

'Monster mobiles.'

'Is this what they call 'quality time', Dad?'

"Let me show you my latest D.I.Y. project."

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

Boho Bribes