Quirky Person Gifts

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Texturing the Walls

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

Victorian Gentleman

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Ostrich Curoisities

Penguin Remote

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

Giraffe Selfie

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'I just had this sudden urge to stand out in a crowd...'.

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."