Quirky Friend Gifts

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'It looks nothing like me!'

"I asked for extra starch."

Help to make a crossing.

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Let's flip for it, heads I win, tails, you lose."

"I don't remember you but your face is familiar!"

"Just between you and me, clowns creep me out, too."

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

Missing: Wine Glass

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

'Do you ever date outside your species?' 'Oink!'

'Urgh! That's definitely not alien speak for hello!'

Superheroes who will never see the light of the comic pages...

'No shirts, No shoes, No care packages!'

The New Baby

Fruit and vegetables on the war path:'OK lads, this is a dangerous mission, I hope no one's feeling yellow'

'Could I get flies with that?'

'It's normal for pets and their owners to look alike, but you two are starting to SMELL alike.'

'It's the white bathroom album!'

'I feel awful about this, Mrs. Kendall - Joey and I were playing leapfrog..'

"Hey man, asparagus urinal is at the end!"

Running coast to coast for attention.

Dr Magnus Pyke.

'Did that thing just abduct your dollar.'

'Please! Take these and let my buddy go!!'

Office party - all passed out except one man, asking, 'Hi, remember me, from the paperclip department?'

"I've noticed owners start to resemble their dogs."

"You're sure you've seen my face somewhere? Well it's always been here between my ears!"

Who's up for a party?

"Hands in the air, Pal, this is a stick up!"

Penguin Remote

Giraffe Selfie

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"