Quirky Kids Pillows

'Have you got something that smells like a skateboard?'

'You're old enough to know now, Son — your mother and I are weirdos.'

"He's a fussy eater."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Best before 65 million BC.

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Where's your nose?"

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

Taking goldfish for a walk.

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Real Estate Personals

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

Bald man with a brush on his head

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'Monster mobiles.'

Cats and Dogs.

'Is this what they call 'quality time', Dad?'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"Let me show you my latest D.I.Y. project."

"I'll explain later."

Boho Bribes

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."