Quirky Parents Pillows

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

'Monster mobiles.'

'Actaully, we're not really devil workshippers, we just want to get our son into the faith school.'

'Alright, son, it's time to hustle you through your childhood.'

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"Where's your nose?"

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"He's a fussy eater."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'Dogs have more charisma but cats have more electricity.'

'What do you say we become vegetarians?'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'