Quirky Parents Pillows

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

'Monster mobiles.'

'Actaully, we're not really devil workshippers, we just want to get our son into the faith school.'

'Alright, son, it's time to hustle you through your childhood.'

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"Where's your nose?"

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

You and your alternative pregnancy.

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"He's a fussy eater."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"I'll explain later."