Quirky Parenting Enthusiasts Pillows

'Mom's weird -- she lets us play in the mud, but she won't let us watch dirty movies.'

'The child is very illogical'

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

"Where's your nose?"

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"He's a fussy eater."

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'Monster mobiles.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.