Parenting Quirks Gifts

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

"Where's your nose?"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Children should be seen and not a herd.

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

'Monster mobiles.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'