Quirky Mom Gifts

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Don't editorialize."

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

"Where's your nose?"

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Real Estate Personals

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

E M Forster.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"He's a fussy eater."

'Monster mobiles.'

Bald man with a brush on his head

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"I'll explain later."