Quirky Granny Gifts

'Didn't you check our blog post, mildred? We're not a knitting circle anymore. We're a neighborhood militia.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Don't editorialize."

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Rock on Grandma!

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

E M Forster.

"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

Future Old People

He'll do your hair afterward if you ask nicely.

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

'Even if you were an Enron stock... I would place you right at the top on the portfolio of my heart'!

'Gosh, Jane, you're even prettier than that cute little chimpanzee I was out with last week!'

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

A Con-artist offering brain scans to the public from his flatbed scanner.

Lady with walking frame on skis.

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

Mouse execution

The Odd Duck

"Come on girl, let's hit the road!"

Leaking 'waterbed of nails'.

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!

'How embarrassing, we've got the same designer drugs.'

"Oh, here—take a penny and make it an even three hundred."

"This is great, Mavis! Let's have another go!"