Quirky Senior Gifts

Gun-toting granny.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

Penguin Remote

Victorian Gentleman

'I think there's been some mistake...'

Giraffe Selfie

'I just had this sudden urge to stand out in a crowd...'.

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

Real Estate Personals

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

"I beg to differ."

Bald man with a brush on his head

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Presenting a Few of New York Curiosities"

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

"We're all loonies on the moon, you know."

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."