Light-hearted Senior Gifts

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'Didn't anyone tell you this is an old people's home?'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

A granny tortoise with a quilted shell.

"The wild walker"

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

100th Birthday

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

"We would have helped you up sooner but we thought you were one of those fancy sideways racing bikes."

Roller Skating Pensioner

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

Lift chair fun!

"...and make sure you get food with plenty of preservatives in it"

'There's no ice so I dropped my teeth in it.'

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

'I told you not to lean on the door Ronald!'

Senior Pick-Up Lines

"Come on girl, let's hit the road!"