Quirky Mom Pillows

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Best before 65 million BC.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Don't editorialize."

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

"Where's your nose?"

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

Real Estate Personals

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"He's a fussy eater."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'Monster mobiles.'

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

Bald man with a brush on his head

You and your alternative pregnancy.

E M Forster.

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."