Quirky Dad Gifts

'My son has a science fair coming up and he was wondering if you wouldn't mind putting some unpopped popcorn in your mouth.'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Where's your nose?"

How witness protection really works...

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

The Cricketer and the Golfer

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'Monster mobiles.'

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

Discus accidents.