Parental Paradox Ponderer Gifts

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

Inventing Time Travel

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

Shrodinger's cat: I may or many not be missing.

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Department of Homeland Insecurity