Parental Perplexer Pillows

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Where's your nose?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

The relay race

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

Oops.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

'That's enough Rusty.'