Parenting Puzzle Pillows

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'Your teacher says he finds it impossible to teach you.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'Save us!'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

What can I play?

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

Daughter/psychiatrist

'He was raised by sparrows!'

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Bedtime Story

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"