Parenting Paradox Pillows

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

Two children play with a pedal bin

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'The money I make working pays for a better life for my child.'