Parenting Paradox Explorer Pillows

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

The Physiciatrist...

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

Bumper Limos

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Fake ecologist

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

Man falling down neverending staircase.

"Our son is at that awkward age where he's living in our basement."

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'If I had my time over again, I'd be too young to go out with boys.'

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."

'What else would you expect from one of the ten best dressed women of the year?'

"He just doesn't do it for me."

'Your teacher says he finds it impossible to teach you.'

'My parents try so hard to do the right things for me, but, unfortunately, they're always wrong.'

"But, Paw, I don't eat eggs or bacon anymore."

'You'll have to excuse Graham, he sees his son as a role model.'

"You want daddy to sue and make it all better?"