Parenting Challenge Pillows

"Just wait till your father gets paroled."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

The relay race

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

"My mom used to be an excellent housekeeper, but I put a stop to that."

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."