Parental Challenges Pillows

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

Daughter/psychiatrist

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

Parenting Wonks

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'Sleeping like a baby'

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

State Prison Child Care

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

"Try verbalizing it."

Mother Love is Without Logic