Parental Challenges Pillows

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Daughter/psychiatrist

Parenting Wonks

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'Sleeping like a baby'

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

State Prison Child Care

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

"Try verbalizing it."

'We're very committed to 'family friendly' policies. If you're having problems with childcare then just bring your son into the office.'

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"