Family Challenges Pillows

Girl not understanding parents and grandma, due to cell phone breaking up, not understanding them either.

"You moving back in hasn't been a picnic for us, either. I can't wait until you have adult children of your own."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Parenting Wonks

'Sleeping like a baby'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

"Try verbalizing it."

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'