Family Challenges Gifts

Girl not understanding parents and grandma, due to cell phone breaking up, not understanding them either.

"You moving back in hasn't been a picnic for us, either. I can't wait until you have adult children of your own."

Suffering from Cooties?

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Parenting Wonks

'Sleeping like a baby'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

A bit of Tennyson for you Dad: 'In spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.'

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

"Try verbalizing it."