Parental Woes Pillows

'That's right, Arthur, I've been grounded.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

Oops.

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'That's enough Rusty.'

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'Sleeping like a baby'

Parenting Wonks

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"I couldn't find a sitter."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."